Frustrations and Fears

This week has been tough, and I’ve been dealing with a lot of negative feelings. I’ve decided to use this blog post to vent and get those feelings out in the open. Perhaps you have thought and felt many of these same things yourself at one time or another.

• I’m frustrated because avoiding gluten is a full-time job. I have to work so hard to make sure I don’t make some careless mistake that causes me to become exposed.

• I’m frustrated because no matter what I do, it’s not good enough to get better. I work so hard and try so hard to avoid my reactive foods, yet it seems like my health issues continue and even seem worse than they were at times.

• I’m frustrated because my skin still looks awful.

• I’m frustrated because I’ve been robbed of a normal life.

• I’m frustrated because my quality of life is diminished.

• I’m frustrated because I can’t go more than a few days without having a gluten exposure.

• I’m afraid to go on trips because of having to plan meals and how to keep them safe. When eating finger foods, even the lunchbox and containers/bags cannot have gluten on them. Keeping these items free of gluten residue, and cleaning these items to remove any that might be present, isn’t easy.

• I’m frustrated because I don’t know why all of this is happening. I don’t know what I’m facing or what’s really happening on the inside when I’m exposed to any of my reactive foods. I have no official diagnoses when it comes to my most significant health issues. I don’t know if I have celiac disease, food allergies, or something else. There are a couple of items on my chart about gluten allergies but nothing official. However, I do have hirsutism in my records, which is nothing more than excessive facial hair. Really?!

• I’m frustrated because all of the information out there about food allergies, food intolerances, and food sensitivities seems contradictory, conflicting, and confusing. Oftentimes it raises more questions than it answers.

• I’m frustrated because oftentimes I leave doctor appointments more unsettled and with more questions than I had before the appointments. I’m thankful to have a doctor now who takes time to listen and seems as interested as I am in finding out what’s going on, but this sort of thing can still happen even after seeing her.

• I’m afraid of never figuring everything out and truly getting better.

• I’m frustrated because at times I just have no idea what brought on a gluten exposure. I basically just have to resolve to be more careful next time, but there’s always a fear of it being a recurring issue, which will just cause symptoms to get worse and worse over time. I’d rather have an idea of the cause so I’ll know exactly what to look out for and what I need to handle or be prepared for next time.

• I fear that I will end up worse off than when I started. I already feel this way with the way my skin looks, which is worse now than before I went gluten-free, and with the way my nails are, which are now weaker and more easily broken than before I went gluten-free. I’m always up and down with feeling great and then feeling not-so-great, when things were a lot more constant before.

• I’m frustrated because I don’t know where I fit. Not having an official diagnosis of celiac disease, food allergies, an allergic disorder, or anything else makes it hard to know where I truly belong. Even in my gluten-free support groups at times I feel like an odd person out.

Hopefully over time I will be able to get a handle on things and be better able to deal with these feelings and issues. They will probably be here all my life since I have to deal with this gluten-free and food reaction madness day in and day out, but I plan to try to learn to face them and deal with them the best I can.

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